The One Where Our Hearts Are Broken

I consider myself to be a sensitive soul who is pretty in touch with her emotions. When I was sitting down to dinner on Saturday night, I hopped on Instagram as I often do, and the first thing on my feed was that TMZ was reporting that Matthew Perry was dead. I told my family and began messaging friends who I knew would want to know. I was hoping that this news wouldn't be true. I know from past experiences how accurate TMZ is, but I just kept saying to myself, maybe this isn't true. Maybe he is still alive and on his way to the hospital. 

Seeing Matthew make the rounds for his memoir last year and listening to him tell his story-- I did not want this to be the end for him, and for all of us who are fans of him which was just about anyone who knew who he was. I feel like no one has or had anything bad to say about him, despite knowing his difficult history with alcohol and prescription drugs. He is consistently described as kind, generous, giving, full of energy and joy, and funny as hell of course. 

I'm a gen x- cusp of being millenial child so Friends was my childhood and growing up. I watched "must see TV" every Thursday night on NBC. Friends and ER came on and that was how I spent my evenings in middle school, high school, and most of college. The show was fun, witty, and heartfelt. The cliffhangers, which became customary, kept you on the edge of your seat, and locked in. You wanted to know what happened to Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe. They felt like my friends. 

Growing up as someone who dealt with wanting to fit in and be a part of something, I related to Chandler. I related to how he was at times, awkward and uncomfortable but wanted to be well liked. He was smart and witty. On the personal side, Matthew Perry,  I also understood-- his angst, the depression piece of things, at times that deep loneliness that overtakes you. I have never had issues with alcohol or drugs but certainly I have felt in a dark place at times. I think his ability to be vulnerable and to share his flaws humanized him to all of us, it certainly did for me. Chandler and Matthew were our friends. 

I have not read Matthew's book yet; however, I do plan on reading it. I did listen to interviews he did when he toured for his book and when the Friends reunion was on HBO Max. There were several things I took away from it. One, he had been to hell and back with his addiction. He spent tons of money to get clean, to the tune of over seven million dollars; he went to rehab 15 times. At one point during his addiction he had to get surgery for a colon burst caused by opiod abuse and he was given a 2% chance of living. He said he got clean, not for himself, but because he was afraid of dying. Matthew had currently been about 30 months sober at the time of his death and was working on a starting a foundation for substance abuse treatment. He was living, spending time with friends, playing pickleball which became a major outlet for maintaining his sobriety, and he brought other people dealing with addiction issues to play pickleball with him. He didn't want his legacy to just be "Friends"; he wanted his legacy to be that he could help people with their addictions, he could help them to get clean.  

The other thing I took from him was his sense of gratitude. He said throughout all his struggles and dark times his siblings supported him, no one ever abandoned him. He said the cast of Friends stood by him and supported him in his efforts to get clean. They were understanding and patient, describing them as penguins and saying you know how when a penguin gets sick, all the other penguins surround it until it feels better. He says at the height of his struggles, Jennifer Aniston confronted him and spoke on behalf of the cast saying that they were all concerned about his well being. She continued to check in with him even after the show ended. He was the only cast member of Friends to sit with the writers, his comic genius, his timing was flawless. Matthew himself brought countless people to get treatment for addictions; it was his way of giving back. It was his way of paying back the kindness he had received. Hank Azaria (The Simpsons) spoke about how Matthew brought him to his first AA Meeting when he struggled with alcohol addiction and kept going with him for a year. 

I want to write another blog entry after I have read his memoir and share my feelings and thoughts about it. I heard that he pays tribute to each of his cast mates individually. Clearly, they meant a lot to him and he to them. The Friends cast issued a statement which may be somewhat cliche but definitely sums up the relationship they have with each other:

"We are all so utterly devastated by the loss of Matthew. We were more than just cast mates. We are a family," their statement reads. "There is so much to say, but right now we’re going to take a moment to grieve and process this unfathomable loss."

"In time we will say more, as and when we are able," the statement continues. "For now, our thoughts and our love are with Matty’s family, his friends, and everyone who loved him around the world." 

Some have said that during the end of his life, Matthew struggled with loneliness. He desperately wanted to find love and he wanted to be a father. He ruined many of his past relationships and he said he wasn't afraid anymore. I hope that he is at peace now and that he is not struggling anymore. Matthew said that thing about addiction is that it's always there. You are always managing your addiction and your sobriety. 

Sources say Matthew was working on a script and that's where his references to Mattman came from on his recent Instagram posts. He also referenced Batman in his memoir. He also had signed on to a drama film. “We will always cherish the joy, the light, the blinding intelligence he brought to every moment — not just to his work, but in life as well,” the co-creators of “Friends,” Marta Kauffman and David Crane, as well as executive producer Kevin Bright said. “This truly is The One Where Our Hearts Are Broken.”