Relationship Renderings

The album "Confessions" by Usher is one of my all time favorites, but I must admit that initially when I found out that "Confessions" was based on Usher's real life experiences I was not pleased. The lyrics said it all, Usher was being a major player and being inconsiderate of his girlfriend's feelings. How is it possible, I thought for a man to have feelings for more than one woman? And then I discovered that he doesn't really have feelings for either one of them, at least not the "butterflies in your stomach" kind of feelings that I am thinking of. And why, I thought, stop at two women then, maybe there are three, four, five, a bunch, that a man can claim to have feelings for.

Words mean a lot to me, obviously, as a writer, I see words not only as a form of communication but a way to express one's self. Words to me are power, truth, and one word can make or break any moment.

Maybe Usher isn't so wrong after all. He is a player, but he confessed to it, and sometimes confessions are realizations of who one really is.

Here are some lyrics from his "Confession" interlude:

"Everytime I was in L.A. I was with my ex-girlfriend/ Everytime you called, I told you,/ Baby I'm workin'/ I was out doin' my dirt/ wasn't thinkin' 'bout you gettin' hurt/ I was hand in hand in the Beverly Center like man/ Not givin' a damn who sees me/ So gone/ So wrong/ Thinkin' I got it and left you sittin' at home/ Thinkin' about me/ Bein' a good girl that you are/ But you prolly believe you got a good man/ I mean I would never do the things I'mma about to tell you I've done/ Brace yourself this ain't good/ But it would be even worse if you heard this from somebody else."

So the man in this (Usher or maybe someone totally fictional that Usher made up) is confessing to his girlfriend or a woman that he really cares about that he has cheated on her. He is away on business, and she is being the good woman that she is sitting at home waiting for her man. Although this is all probably really hard for this woman to hear and deal with, the man is doing the right thing. Because not only is he empowering the woman to make her own choice and decide whether or not she wants to continue her relationship with him and try to make it work; he is also admitting to himself that he has a problem being faithful.

People could be unfaithful in relationships for a number of reasons: the individual feels unfulfilled in some way (mental, emotional, physical) in the current relationship, the individual gets an excitement or rush out of trying to juggle more than one relationship with the multiple parties being unaware of each other, or the individual cheating was previously cheated on or hurt in some way and is desensitized so as a result doesn't care about the feelings of others. There are definitley many more reasons, but these are the most obvious.

Typically, if a person is unfaithful once, he will be unfaithful again. I was with someone who was unfaithful to me, and he confessed, and told me he cared about me and that it wouldn't happen again. I gave him another chance, and it did happen again and again.

I believe the only way someone unfaithful becomes faithful is if he or she truly wants to. I believe the person may meet someone who he or she really comes to love and that person may inspire a change. I felt that way about someone I seriously dated. He, no question, had a really tough life, living all over the place. He had no constants in his life, so I thought maybe because he loves me so much and I love him so much I can become his constant. I thought, he has messed up a lot in his life, made mistakes, but he is admitting to those mistakes, he is trying to change. I truly believed I had inspired a change in him because in a lot of ways he changed me too. Now, I am just really confused about our relationship and where it stands because we are far away from each other, and I wonder whether or not he really wants to change.

In most cases, a woman is very trusting of a man if she is in love with him or wants to be in love with him or possesses feelings or care for him. A man will definitely take advantage of that, he may also play one woman against another (this has happened to me).

Women are very catty and jealous of one another when a man is involved. I one time had a woman call me up at my work place and ask me what my relationship was with a man that she was casually sleeping with.

Going back to Usher here are some lyrics from his song, "Confessions Part II":

"Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do/ Got me talkin' to myself askin' how I'm gon' tell you........../ The first thing that came to mind was you/ Second thing was how do I know if it's mine and is it true/ Third thing was me wishin' that I never did what I did/ How I ain't ready for no kid and bye bye to our relationship".

My question in all of this is, why does it take cheating for a guy to realize that he is with a good woman and he doesn't want his relationship with her to be over? Why can he not realize what he has when he has it? And does he really feel regret? He didn't feel regret when he was cheating.

"I need to stop thinkin', contemplatin'/ Be a man and get it over with (over with)/ I'm ridin' in my whip/ Racin' to her place/ Talkin' to myself/ Preparin' to tell her to her face/ She open up the door and didn't want to come near me./ I said why ? baby?/ Please hear me."

More men should think like Usher, and when they cheat, they should be a man (or woman) and confess and get it over with. Believe me, for anyone who cheats, man or woman, the person you cheated on will always respect you more in the end if you confess. However, do not expect the person you cheated on to be happy about it and welcome you back with open arms just because you confess. Some people, depending on the circumstances are strong enough to give second chances and some are not. And not giving a second chance is not a sign of weakness especially depending on the individual relationship.

I feel like personally, I would want a second chance if it were me that made a mistake. But where does one draw the line? I have offered third and fourth and fifth, and maybe, ridiculously enough even sixth chances. In the end, I just had to realize that the person I cared about didn't care back. I was hurting myself more by giving all those chances than I was helping the one I was giving the chances to. That person didn't want my help, he didn't want to become a better person and I had to stop lieing to myself and thinking that he did. He was and is happy with his life, happy doing wrong and okay with playing with the feelings and lives of others.

If someone who hurts you in a relationship tells you that he or she really wants to be with you make that person prove it because if he or she really loves you; it will happen. The proof will present itself. I have never been in any relationship for impure motives, I wish those I dated could say the same.